Love Is

Some friends and I are currently discussing the Bob Goff book Love Does. The title – while appropriate for this book – has caused me to ask: Is love best described as an action? While love in action is powerful, I’m thinking that first and foremost: Love Is. Love Is…a state of being. It is a vulnerable state. It is a circumcised heart.

Reading in Jeremiah this week, I paused at a passage about uncircumcised hearts (Jer. 9:25,26) and found myself thinking about circumcision. I’m sure biblical scholars have written much about this, but the question nagged at my mind: Why did God require the Israelite men of the Old Testament to have a surgical procedure – on their male sex organ - likely the most sensitive, vulnerable and private part of a man’s body? And then: why does God talk to Jeremiah about uncircumcised hearts? He talks about a circumcision in body but not in spirit (heart).

A likely characteristic of a circumcised heart came to me today as I considered, once again, how the desire for romantic love can lead to heartache. It’s really, really tempting, especially after heartbreak, to want to protect one’s self from the possibility of future heartbreak. Yet therein is the conflict.

If one protects – closes or puts up a wall around one’s heart – the authentic kind of love one longs for cannot be attained. You have to be willing to be vulnerable…to let your heart go under the knife, so to speak, and have its covering removed. One must allow the authentic heart to be known. (Do you ensure appropriate boundaries and a healthy amount of self protection? Absolutely. But can you insist on a guarantee against having your heart broken again? You cannot.)

“Who does this kind of love?” I cry! Certainly most men I’ve encountered – while eager to date, perhaps – do not seem willing, and certainly not eager, for any such openness of heart. I imagine many married couples I know do not share this openness of heart.

Yet, I am becoming convinced that the truest definition of love is a state of being. Love Is, is the brand of love I want to offer – to a romantic relationship – and to this world. Love Is, is vulnerable. It feels. (But I’m so afraid of feeling, Lord…)

God has shown me that I can risk this. He’s got my back – incredibly and miraculously, if necessary. I am safe. I am free to love.

Love does, for sure, but primarily: Love Is.

Awe or fear?

If you are following Christ, would you say you are more: 1) filled with awe, or 2) overwhelmed with fear?  When a crowd was following Jesus toward Jerusalem, it says in Mark: “…Jesus was walking ahead of them.  The disciples were filled with awe, and the people following behind were overwhelmed with fear.” (NLT 10:32)

As I move into the next phase of my destiny, I find I’m going between awe and fear a lot.  About every other day or two I’m filled with awe at God’s nearness, and at the details of where, and how, He is leading me.

When I asked Him, about exactly three years ago, to write a better story with my life – a story that would bring Him great glory – my faith was small, mustard-seed-size.  Now, only three short years later, I’m moved to tears as I type this, as I consider how He took me seriously (I did mean it), and how He has been working to do just that, I believe, as I walk with Him.

Yet, there are those every other days, when I’m not filled with much, or any, awe.  That’s when I’m one of those people who are still following Jesus, but I am behind the disciples, and overwhelmed with fear.  Those days I need to remember to move up closer to my Lord – to move out of the fear, and back into the awe zone.

And, of course, awe doesn’t mean “no pain.”  Who doubts the awe that surrounded Him on the painful cross, when He surrendered His life to the accompaniment of darkness, an earthquake, and a dramatically torn veil in the temple?  Yet, fear lurks just beyond the awe…  I so easily drift out of awe and into fear.

Drawing near to my Lord is where I want to be and where I’m always welcome.  It’s really up to me.  Am I going to be filled with His Spirit, walking in awe close to Him?  Or am I going to lag a bit behind – still a follower, but filled with fear as I shuffle along, barely able to glimpse my Lord up ahead?  Awe or fear – which is it going to be?

The new normal

A couple of weeks ago I sent the following paragraph to a friend.  It was in response to things taking place in our respective lives, and to her sending me the story of David and Goliath out of I Samuel.  She felt my reply needed to be in a blog.  So here it is:

We can, and need to, become comfortable with humanly unbelievable, incredibly uncanny, remarkably providential happenings.  And if it is too much for me to take in, then it’s more about me and less about God, and it needs to be all about Him.  And if it is all about Him…shouldn’t I expect remarkable things?  And evil retorts?  Incredible difficulties and fantastic successes – both?  This is the life of His believing child.  It should not surprise me…or overwhelm me.  It is the new normal because the wall is down and I am moving into the promised land of His promises.

As I read this again today, I’m so aware of life’s mixture of mundane and remarkable. Some days I’m the lonely shepherd boy, simply doing the work of tending sheep and desiring something much more exciting. And then the next day I’m still that shepherd boy, but now the adrenaline’s pumping as I face a scary, evil giant…or as God’s supernatural workings in my life have amazed me almost beyond comprehension.

This is the new normal.  May God grant me the ability to live it.

Isaiah phoned me?

This week my friend Becky said, “It’s like we walk into a room and there are two chairs.  One says ‘hope’ and one says ‘despair.’  We get to choose which chair we want to sit in.”  She went on to say that she isn’t one of those who believe we should never feel sad or process our grief, but we can still choose hope.  I added, “That’s right…we can be sitting in the hope chair with tears of grief running down our face, but we have chosen hope over despair.”

I don’t know about anyone who might read this, but I sure needed that reminder of my hope choice, this week.  You see after my last post on Sept. 3, it was announced that my workplace organization is closing at the end of this year.  That means it is time for me to find something new to do…to find a new way to pay for the expenses of life.  And how interesting that this announcement came nine days after blogging about being led to stand…  “Really Lord, how can I stand right now?  I need to find a new job!”  And His sweet, quiet voice, “Do you trust me?  Do you trust that you know my voice, and that I know what I’m doing?”

It has been quite the time of standing, as I experience what He brings my way.  I’m exploring a fantastic opportunity right now that presented itself by coming to me from a coastal state.  Yet I won’t lie…even with that exciting potential option, I’ve been challenged in my faith.  Challenged to speak, think and live closely with my Lord – so close, in fact, that I can do something against quick reason and logic.  So close that I can simply stand and trust in faith, as I listen and explore from this calm vantage point.

Early this morning my phone was ringing in a dream...  As I peered at my Blackberry, still in my dream, I saw that ”Isaiah” was the incoming caller.  Right then I woke up.  I was puzzled.  The only Isaiah I know is three years old and doesn’t own a phone yet.  As I made coffee, I wondered about the dream…  And then as curled up on the sofa for my luxurious Saturday morning reading, I thought, “Maybe God has a message for me in the book of Isaiah.”  So I started reading in chapter one, praying, “Lord, if you want to speak something to me from Isaiah, please show me what you want me to know.”  I was urged on and kept reading, until I got to chapter seven, verse 9:

Unless your faith is firm, I cannot make you stand firm.

I stared at that verse, and some tears welled up within me...

It’s been hard to stand, even with a great opportunity to explore, because, well, it takes faith – faith in the unseen...faith that my Lord is real and knows what He’s talking about.  It takes faith to know that He loves me and has my ultimate best in mind.  And that I'm talented enough for whatever lies ahead...  No person would fault me for moving around anxiously right now; I have good human reason to do so.  But I don’t follow people – I follow Christ.  So I stand, in faith.

And in faith we choose to have hope, and sit in the chair called hope.  And as we do, His Spirit fills us with hope, and helps us to trust.

Lost in Ecuador

The last few days I’ve been crying out to God for direction.  His Word and the Holy Spirit seem to be telling me what to do, but it’s one of my least favorite activities, especially in situations begging for a different response.  Well, this morning as I talked to my Heavenly Father about this and asked for clarity regarding my next steps, He brought to mind a story from a mission trip to Ecuador about a dozen or so years ago.

When my middle son was in high school, I was one of three leader chaperones on a church youth mission trip to Quito, Ecuador.  We were helping the locals mix mortar and stack bricks to put up walls of a church, just outside the city.  The story God brought to my mind this morning, however, took place on our day off.  The mission organization had arranged for a bus and driver to take us, and a partner group from Michigan, to the large, South American market in the village of Otavalo.

We parked on a side street and had a delightful couple of hours shopping in a place overflowing with beautiful sweaters, jewelry, pottery, and with people visiting from all over the world.  Our instructions were to return to the bus at a certain time for departure.  I noted the time, noted the place we were parked, and set off – alone – on my shopping adventure.

As I walked up and down the streets of the village lined with tables of beautiful wares, I kept track of where I was in relation to our bus.  As the final thirty minutes prior to departure approached, I ran into a couple from the Michigan group who asked my advice for getting back to the bus.  I correctly directed them, saying I was almost ready to head back myself.  And then I turned down one final street to visit one final table of sweaters…

On my journey back to the bus, I had been deliberately going down side streets only to the right, and this time, I selected a side street to the left.  So what I know now is: when I got back to the main street after this final excursion, and granted, now in a bit of a hurry, I headed in the opposite – wrong – direction from the bus, yet completely sure I was still on track.

Looking down every side street in the approximate area I knew the bus to be, from having counted the number of blocks I traveled down the main avenue, I saw a bus down every street…but not my bus.  It wasn’t long before all the streets, buses and people looked exactly alike.  I began to get nervous, but maintained an external calm.  We had no cell phones with us, so there was no one I could call.  Our bus had no name, nor did the street, so there were no facts to direct...  And almost everyone spoke only Spanish, so even if I could accurately describe my predicament, who would understand my English?

Time rolled on as I nervously paced up and down streets looking for my bus…  I became more frantic as I realized one hour had gone by, and I kept telling myself, “They won’t leave Otavalo without me.”  I had been praying for God’s help, and yet I continued to be lost.  The tears were being held back by less and less resolve, and a few started to well up as I approached despair.  Then I heard a little voice in my head say: Go to the middle of the street and just stand still.  They will find you.

I recognized this was a voice of wisdom, likely from God, so I followed it.  Surely by now they were looking for me; maybe this will help.  I stood in the middle of the street (full of pedestrians and only a very seldom vehicle) for about five seconds.  It seemed like five hours.  And then I instinctively began to walk...  But something inside me commanded me to go back – to just stand still.  Every bit of strength left in me was needed as I literally forced myself to stand in the middle of that foreign street.

Have you ever tried to stand in one place when you’re lost?  If panic is settling in, I will tell you it can take an act of God to do this.  Every cell in your being wants to move.  You desperately want to squirm out of your circumstance, determined to find your answer…your hope.  Standing still feels wrong.  It feels scary and vulnerable.  It feels defeating.

But it worked!  After no more than three minutes of standing still, I heard a voice from heaven, I mean from another mission trip leader (at that point, one and the same), yelling, “Ann!”  He was running down the middle of the street toward me.  I was never so happy to see anyone in my life.

When I asked him how he found me, he said, “I figured out you must have gotten turned around." (A super kind understatement...)  "I decided you were probably wandering the streets exactly diagonal from where we were.”  He was right: I was on the opposite side of the main street, on the opposite end of town.  And when I finally stood still, I was no longer a moving “target.”  I could be found.

So what is it that God is saying to me today?  I believe He’s saying, “Stand still, dear Annie.  Wait.  Your destiny will find you.”  Standing still is one of the most difficult things to do...

Walls are identified

So I’ve discovered what the walls are – the ones I’m “praying down.”  (And likely, the walls you encounter, as well?)  You see, one day I decided it might be good to identify what the walls in my life actually are.  What am I truly seeking to remove in Jesus’ name?  (It might even have been desirable to know this ahead of time...)  Granted, I had no doubt that I was running into barriers of some sort…into something keeping me from a “promised land.”  But I hadn’t actually figured out what the walls were; I just felt confident they existed.

Well, now I know.  The walls are fear - every single one of them.

And identifying these walls has helped me recognize them more quickly, so that I can take appropriate action.  Now when a wall is detected, I command a “no fear” response in myself, enlisting the name of Jesus for the power to knock it down.  And do you know what has been happening almost every time?  The momentum turns.  Whatever “enemy” may have been cowering behind the wall either runs for cover or is caught in the light of truth.  Peace and strength move forward in Jesus’ name and for God’s glory.

I can tell God is using this particular truth in my life.  A wave of God’s unstoppable mercy, grace and power is being unleashed…  The walls of fear are crumbling.

Jericho prayer walks

Lately I’ve been involved in some warfare of the spiritual kind.  I feel like I don’t often know who my "enemies" are, yet I do know there’s an unseen world where battles for hearts are raging.  If I want my life story to count for the Lord’s glory, then I cannot shrink from battle.

So one tactic a friend and I have been using this spring and summer was inspired by the Biblical story of Joshua and the battle of Jericho…  My friend and I have been practicing what we call: Jericho prayer walks.

Whenever we can – usually once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less – she and I march around our "walls" and pray them down in Jesus’ name.  Now if you’re not a follower of Christ, this may seem odd to you; I understand, and assure you we’re really not weird. J  And if you are a follower of Christ, it may also seem a bit extreme to you, but I don’t think it should…  Because let me tell you: there are "walls," there are "enemies" behind them, and there is victory for all who believe and “march” and pray in faith in Jesus’ name!  We’ve experienced this...

So what does a Jericho prayer walk – our version – look like?  Well, I live a mile from downtown, so my friend comes to my house and we walk the mile downtown.  First, we chat and catch up on our lives and what the Lord’s been doing.  Usually that’s the first half-mile or so…  Then we take turns praying, inviting the Spirit of Jesus to guide our prayers.  Well, before we know it we’re downtown, where we have coffee or an iced tea at the local coffee shop, sometimes with food, and continue our catching up as friends.  And then we start the walk home – usually a mile full of praise and requests and heart “battle cries,” if you will.

By the time we get back to my house we’re so full of God’s peace and presence that I think we are both glowing.  A sweat enhanced glow, perhaps...

Okay, so the bottom line that I believe is intended for anyone who reads this is: do you have faith in the one true God?  And if you do: do you take Him at His Word?  You might want to consider gathering with a fellow follower of Christ, and pray down some walls in your individual lives.  You never know, until you try something like this in faith, what it might please Him to do.

And, for the record, these walks are not about our faithfulness (mine is flawed) - or about the glory of this particular tactic.  They are about the glory of our Heavenly Father, and the power we have through Jesus Christ and His Spirit working in us.  They are about His faithfulness and His desire to be in a relationship with us.  They are about His working beyond what we could even ask or think...  Praise Him!