What do we do when we feel like the pre-prince Cinderella? What if we – the protagonists in our respective stories – feel under-appreciated, forgotten, underemployed, tired, hopeless, or unimportant? (Or am I the only one who has these moments, these days…these seasons?)
As I struggle with places in my storyline that are less than inspiring to me, and as one who seems to want and need significance, in relationships and vocation, almost more than anything else, I cry out to God for His wisdom and His reassurance that I’m not off the path of His good pleasure and His providence for my life.
This week, and always, He reassures me with Himself. With His loving heart toward me…because all my sins have been forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ. That’s all that really matters. I don’t have to strive or worry or be afraid. I’m in His will if I’m resting in His sovereignty, and in my forgiven place, as a redeemed, loved child of my Maker.
Yet, what about my story? What if I screw it up? Well, I already have, and continue to at times, despite the fact that I earnestly don’t want to. But this is an amazing piece of what God does... He takes the things we, and others, mess up, and redeems them, crafting them into exquisitely beautiful stories – despite our mistakes and despite the harm from this world. But the best is yet to come...
Barlow Girl has a gorgeous song called Beautiful Ending which asks: “So tell me, what is our ending? Will it be beautiful, so beautiful?” The sister trio sings: “At the end of it all I wanna be in Your arms.” That’s the ending of my story. I’ll be safely in His arms!
When your story – when my story – feels ordinary, is a lot of work, or is filled with seemingly unbearable grief, as some of you are experiencing, take heart: the ending will be glorious. We are not forgotten or lost or hopelessly off-track in the mess of this life. In fact He is using the sad, lonely, harmful stuff of our lives to write a more beautiful ending. An ending which will make our hearts soar as never before.
My story on this earth is still being written. Some times are remarkable, like my trip to Cameroon in January and February. Some times are ordinary and my destiny feels forgotten, like this week. But the ending is known. It is glorious. If I abide in Christ, He has already written the end of my story on this earth, and it will be beautiful. I will be in His arms.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
This protagonist reflects
People have asked me lately how my blog writing is going, and, “have you started a book?” My answer has generally been that I’m in a bit of a pause… a sort of unplanned writing break which has no predetermined length (by me), and will likely contain spurts of writing within. I’ve been asking God a lot about the next steps of my story, including the next steps of writing my grandparents’ stories. Friends are praying with me about this, and I know He will lead…
This week, however, I’ve been thinking about characters in good stories. Like me, have you ever wished you were a character in a favorite story? I remember as a young girl wishing I was the real-life version of the girl in one of my picture books. This girl had found a sick little duck. She put a soft blanket in her wagon and hauled the duck home where her mother helped her take care of it and nurse it back to health – when of course she brought the duck back to the wild and freed it. I remember earnestly looking around my land-locked neighborhood for any sick little duck that may need me. Surprisingly, none were found.
I then thought about the popular Cinderella fairy tale. What little girl hasn’t at some point in her childhood dreamed of being a real life Cinderella? (I’m sure there are a few who haven’t, but I wasn’t one of those few.) Dreamed of being discovered by a prince who would rescue her from her misery? A prince who would relieve her from a life where she’s taken for granted and not considered anyone special? A kind, handsome prince who wants to be with her so much that he would search an entire kingdom to find and marry her?
Well, I’m wondering this week how often, with a happy story or movie ending, do I quickly forget about the stress or strife during the story? For example, I have never dwelled for long on the fact that Cinderella was emotionally, if not physically, abused by her stepmother or stepsisters. All the troubles she encountered, all the dull, sad moments of the story I have quickly and virtually forgotten with the stunningly beautiful ending. The ugly parts of the story were there to make the ending soar with joyful emotion. But who dwells on them once the story has ended - once the beautiful ending is known?
Did I ever once think about the duck poop the little girl must have encountered? Or the lost playtime as she cared for the duck? No, what I remember is the victory she gave the duck, by helping him back to health and setting him free. The selfless care she gave him looked like complete fun and passion, on the pages of this book which I was sure would have a happy ending.
Which brings me to the point I’ve been thinking about: A great story, while in the midst of it, may feel dull, sad, disconnected, or even wrong, to the protagonist who trusts there will be a happy ending, but feels far from it.
This week, about an hour into some spur of the moment babysitting for a friend, I discovered that the three-year old had a case of the “runs.” I immediately found that I did not particularly like this storyline of my day. While I felt badly for the ill child and sought to reassure her and care for her lovingly, I was also feeling badly for me, and was not particularly pleased with my “calling” for that evening, especially after a tiring day at the office. It did not feel exciting, like the story I want to be part of. I was disappointed, not only in the un-pleasantries of the evening, but in my responding attitude...
I sensed God’s Spirit gently reminding me, “Annie, it will not always be fun. Did you remember to count the cost of not living for yourself when you told me you wanted your life to be a better story? And remember, just because it’s not fun right now, this does not mean you’ve stepped out of the story we are writing together.”
But oh how I love the fun times, God! Yet not more than You… I do want to bring glory to you through my life. I do want a beautiful ending.
This week, however, I’ve been thinking about characters in good stories. Like me, have you ever wished you were a character in a favorite story? I remember as a young girl wishing I was the real-life version of the girl in one of my picture books. This girl had found a sick little duck. She put a soft blanket in her wagon and hauled the duck home where her mother helped her take care of it and nurse it back to health – when of course she brought the duck back to the wild and freed it. I remember earnestly looking around my land-locked neighborhood for any sick little duck that may need me. Surprisingly, none were found.
I then thought about the popular Cinderella fairy tale. What little girl hasn’t at some point in her childhood dreamed of being a real life Cinderella? (I’m sure there are a few who haven’t, but I wasn’t one of those few.) Dreamed of being discovered by a prince who would rescue her from her misery? A prince who would relieve her from a life where she’s taken for granted and not considered anyone special? A kind, handsome prince who wants to be with her so much that he would search an entire kingdom to find and marry her?
Well, I’m wondering this week how often, with a happy story or movie ending, do I quickly forget about the stress or strife during the story? For example, I have never dwelled for long on the fact that Cinderella was emotionally, if not physically, abused by her stepmother or stepsisters. All the troubles she encountered, all the dull, sad moments of the story I have quickly and virtually forgotten with the stunningly beautiful ending. The ugly parts of the story were there to make the ending soar with joyful emotion. But who dwells on them once the story has ended - once the beautiful ending is known?
Did I ever once think about the duck poop the little girl must have encountered? Or the lost playtime as she cared for the duck? No, what I remember is the victory she gave the duck, by helping him back to health and setting him free. The selfless care she gave him looked like complete fun and passion, on the pages of this book which I was sure would have a happy ending.
Which brings me to the point I’ve been thinking about: A great story, while in the midst of it, may feel dull, sad, disconnected, or even wrong, to the protagonist who trusts there will be a happy ending, but feels far from it.
This week, about an hour into some spur of the moment babysitting for a friend, I discovered that the three-year old had a case of the “runs.” I immediately found that I did not particularly like this storyline of my day. While I felt badly for the ill child and sought to reassure her and care for her lovingly, I was also feeling badly for me, and was not particularly pleased with my “calling” for that evening, especially after a tiring day at the office. It did not feel exciting, like the story I want to be part of. I was disappointed, not only in the un-pleasantries of the evening, but in my responding attitude...
I sensed God’s Spirit gently reminding me, “Annie, it will not always be fun. Did you remember to count the cost of not living for yourself when you told me you wanted your life to be a better story? And remember, just because it’s not fun right now, this does not mean you’ve stepped out of the story we are writing together.”
But oh how I love the fun times, God! Yet not more than You… I do want to bring glory to you through my life. I do want a beautiful ending.
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