Going for no

Do you welcome rejection? Silly question, right? I mean, who does? Who would? Well, I’m not there yet, but I am working to become more comfortable with rejection, and yes, even to welcome it. I’m trying to go so far as to desire it. Let me explain…

Recently I read a book titled Go for No, by Richard Fenton and Andrea Waltz. It’s basically a book on selling, but clearly has implications for many. I was intrigued by the premise of it: that “the most empowering word in the world is not yes…it’s no.”

It’s a story of a salesman who turns around his career by seeking a target number of rejections, rather than a target number of sales. In the story, he comes to realize that failure is his pathway to success, and that, by becoming not only tolerant of failure, but desirous of it – his success track is actually accelerated, and greatly accomplished.

While I found it a quick, entertaining read, I wasn’t sure if/how the concept fit into my life. And, of course, I considered: Is there truth in this concept? For God is the author of all truth. Or is the concept simply one man’s fabrication to sell a book?

Here’s what I’ve been finding related to this in my life.

1) If I come upon a roadblock – however large or small – I tend to both accept it, and get frustrated and discouraged. One small illustration:

Last Sunday I was to share my story (Africa trip, writing about my grandparents, etc.) with an adult fellowship class at Bethesda church. I will spare you all the details, but…I had major technological difficulties as I was setting up my PowerPoint picture presentation. There were four separate times as I tried to connect when I encountered failure of some sort.

By the third time, after two runs down a very long hallway to get help, I was wondering if I should give up and go without pictures. By the fourth failure, I was almost certain this was what I would need to do – and maybe this is even what God wants? I was definitely frustrated and discouraged. But last Sunday, something prevented me from accepting a final “no.”

2) Temporary rejection or failure doesn’t necessarily mean I am to accept that as a “no” from God.

So I was praying as I struggled, of course, and no doubt a few attendees who were observing my struggles were praying, too. And I remembered the prayers of a few friends the evening before, as we dedicated my morning presentation to God, and prayed that all would go smoothly for His glory. These prayers did not let me give up.

Well, the solution following the fourth snag brought victory; it brought the “yes,” and I was good to go – to deliver what God had laid on my heart – with pictures! And looking back one week later, I’m amazed that I persevered through four picture-stopping snags. That’s not necessarily my style…

3) It’s time to become comfortable with rejection, as a mature step in faith.

So today I’m wondering… How often do I see a present rejection or failure as the final decree on an idea or a hope for the future? And, do I have the tenacity to welcome a present “no” as a step toward a future “yes” about something God has laid on my heart? Or do I most often accept a “no” as final, when He may want me to have faith to keep on for the “yes”?

I’m in the process, by God’s grace, of reframing my thinking. I’m seeking to welcome the victory in each “no” as a step in the process toward a future “yes.” When we pray that God will guide us, He will. So when we pray for a seemingly God-guided desire for “yes,” are we willing to persevere through a “no” or two or ten - to get to the ultimate yes? God may say “no,” of course, but let’s not jump to that final conclusion too quickly.

God loves, therefore...

This week I would like to challenge anyone who reads this with a fun, little exercise. So here it is: Open a blank electronic file, or get out a piece of paper and a pen, and finish this sentence: “God loves me, therefore…”

This is to be a list – a brain dump, if you will. Don’t stop until you’ve captured every thought that comes to mind. There are no wrong answers...just let it flow from your heart and soul.

God loves me, therefore…

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Once you’ve done the initial brain dump – stop. You can always go back and add more items later. For now, though, go back to the top of your list and read every item. What do you think? Are you living in the reality of the truth that you are dearly loved by God?

I can tell you I found that I wasn’t. Not completely, anyway… In fact, just reading my list changed the way I was thinking. And, I recently read that when thinking changes, feelings change. And when feelings change, actions and behaviors change. And when our actions and behaviors change? Well, provided it's for the better - that's when we change the world! And to think it all starts with a change in thinking... In this case, it started with a list.

So, here's my brain dump, in the order it spilled out.

God loves me, therefore...

I am whole.
I am complete.
I can love others, selflessly.
My needs are met.
My future is in His capable hands.
I will ultimately be okay, and in the interim, I have divine help.
It is irrelevant whether or not others love me.
I am ultimately unharmed by the evil around me - even the evil directed toward me.
Life is not about my good works, although those may, and hopefully will, result; it's about His love for me, and my love for Him.
I'm secure.
The future is safe.
I love Him.
This is not about me; it's about Him and His love, and His plan.
I can be vulnerable with people; they cannot harm me.
I can love others without being loved in return, because I have the Eternal, Creator God in love with me.
I cannot fall - only stumble - because He holds me by the hand.
My results are not what it's about.
My day's work is not where I get my significance.
I do not get my significance from others - I get it from God Himself.
I am free.
I can be who I'm created to be.
I don't have to live in worry or fear.
I can trust Him.
I can fail - He works it into a plan for good.
I can die, yet live forever.
I'm safe in His arms.
Evil cannot overpower me.
I can live outside of my comfort zone, yet be completely comfortable.

I'm wondering if my list looks anything like yours? And I'm wondering if your list began to change your thinking like my list began to change mine? This helps me see why it's so important to read God's Word, and to let the truths from it sink in and change our thinking...which changes our feelings...which changes our actions...which changes our world.

Regarding closed doors...

How significant is an open or closed door to a follower of Christ? I’ve heard many stories about how God opens and closes doors for people. And I recall one personal experience, in particular... I had a door of opportunity literally slam shut in my face about eight years ago. I was unemployed and living alone with no other income to rely on when I received a job offer from an organization which had put me through several grueling interviews. I was delighted to finally, and successfully, have the offer. Or did I?

Unfortunately, the offered salary was quite a bit lower than I was expecting, so I respectfully asked for an increase. I asked for a salary more in line with the regional market value for that role – a reasonable request, it seemed. Well, for some reason they must not have liked the fact that I thought my work was worth market value, and before I knew it the offer was rescinded. I was crushed by the evaporation of an opportunity, and could not understand why it had happened.

A few years later I shared my story, in confidence, over a business lunch with a man who had previously worked for that organization. He said, “Ann, God saved you…” Though our conversation had not touched on anything spiritual, he immediately and sincerely gave credit to God for keeping me from accepting that position. I knew then, without a doubt, that God had protected me, and shut that door with good reason. (Which I had trusted, at the time, but it was still difficult...)

Today as I was reading through some of Grandpa’s brief, handwritten notes, as typed by my Dad, I couldn’t help but note the number of open and closed doors. Take a look, below-- (My notes are in parenthesis.)

My interest was drawn toward China and I planned to attend the missionary school at Framnes (Norway), but for lack of funds, that schooling had to be postponed for two years. (closed door) While waiting for the opening of that mission school I came to America for the purpose of learning English. (open door) I made arrangements that I would go back to Norway if the number of applicants for entering this mission school were too few. Otherwise, I would continue my studies in America. It turned out there were more applications than the school could accept. (closed door) And so I continued my studies for two years at Augsburg… (open door)

Later, the greatest struggle came when we had to choose between going to China, where the way was open, or to continue to trust the Lord to open the way for us to Africa – which seemed closed.

So, first Grandpa’s interest was drawn to China while he was still in Norway. However, the education path which would lead there was not open, so he went to America to learn English – to study and wait. The school in Norway remained closed for him, but later when the door to China was wide open through the church synod in America, he and Grandma decided to trust the Lord to open the door which was then closed – the door to Africa. How about that for a sequence of open and closed doors?

It appears, from Grandpa’s notes and history, that a closed door was sometimes, but not always, a “no” from God. Do we agree? If the Lord puts a place, a people, an occupation, etc. in our hearts, and it settles in, and remains there...do we trust Him to open a door which might currently be closed? Or do we see a different door, which is open, and think, “That must be the door I’m supposed to go through, because, look - it’s open!”

Following Christ may lead us to stand for a length of time in front of a closed door. And, at the same time we may also need to resist an open, even honorable, alternate door. Is it just me who wonders: “Who trusts like this in 2011?” I definitely want to be one who trusts like this... I want to be one who trusts that when God speaks to my heart about something, I'm willing to wait by a closed door, and not abandoned it for another, albeit open and admirable, door.