Awe or fear?

If you are following Christ, would you say you are more: 1) filled with awe, or 2) overwhelmed with fear?  When a crowd was following Jesus toward Jerusalem, it says in Mark: “…Jesus was walking ahead of them.  The disciples were filled with awe, and the people following behind were overwhelmed with fear.” (NLT 10:32)

As I move into the next phase of my destiny, I find I’m going between awe and fear a lot.  About every other day or two I’m filled with awe at God’s nearness, and at the details of where, and how, He is leading me.

When I asked Him, about exactly three years ago, to write a better story with my life – a story that would bring Him great glory – my faith was small, mustard-seed-size.  Now, only three short years later, I’m moved to tears as I type this, as I consider how He took me seriously (I did mean it), and how He has been working to do just that, I believe, as I walk with Him.

Yet, there are those every other days, when I’m not filled with much, or any, awe.  That’s when I’m one of those people who are still following Jesus, but I am behind the disciples, and overwhelmed with fear.  Those days I need to remember to move up closer to my Lord – to move out of the fear, and back into the awe zone.

And, of course, awe doesn’t mean “no pain.”  Who doubts the awe that surrounded Him on the painful cross, when He surrendered His life to the accompaniment of darkness, an earthquake, and a dramatically torn veil in the temple?  Yet, fear lurks just beyond the awe…  I so easily drift out of awe and into fear.

Drawing near to my Lord is where I want to be and where I’m always welcome.  It’s really up to me.  Am I going to be filled with His Spirit, walking in awe close to Him?  Or am I going to lag a bit behind – still a follower, but filled with fear as I shuffle along, barely able to glimpse my Lord up ahead?  Awe or fear – which is it going to be?

The new normal

A couple of weeks ago I sent the following paragraph to a friend.  It was in response to things taking place in our respective lives, and to her sending me the story of David and Goliath out of I Samuel.  She felt my reply needed to be in a blog.  So here it is:

We can, and need to, become comfortable with humanly unbelievable, incredibly uncanny, remarkably providential happenings.  And if it is too much for me to take in, then it’s more about me and less about God, and it needs to be all about Him.  And if it is all about Him…shouldn’t I expect remarkable things?  And evil retorts?  Incredible difficulties and fantastic successes – both?  This is the life of His believing child.  It should not surprise me…or overwhelm me.  It is the new normal because the wall is down and I am moving into the promised land of His promises.

As I read this again today, I’m so aware of life’s mixture of mundane and remarkable. Some days I’m the lonely shepherd boy, simply doing the work of tending sheep and desiring something much more exciting. And then the next day I’m still that shepherd boy, but now the adrenaline’s pumping as I face a scary, evil giant…or as God’s supernatural workings in my life have amazed me almost beyond comprehension.

This is the new normal.  May God grant me the ability to live it.