Awe or fear?

If you are following Christ, would you say you are more: 1) filled with awe, or 2) overwhelmed with fear?  When a crowd was following Jesus toward Jerusalem, it says in Mark: “…Jesus was walking ahead of them.  The disciples were filled with awe, and the people following behind were overwhelmed with fear.” (NLT 10:32)

As I move into the next phase of my destiny, I find I’m going between awe and fear a lot.  About every other day or two I’m filled with awe at God’s nearness, and at the details of where, and how, He is leading me.

When I asked Him, about exactly three years ago, to write a better story with my life – a story that would bring Him great glory – my faith was small, mustard-seed-size.  Now, only three short years later, I’m moved to tears as I type this, as I consider how He took me seriously (I did mean it), and how He has been working to do just that, I believe, as I walk with Him.

Yet, there are those every other days, when I’m not filled with much, or any, awe.  That’s when I’m one of those people who are still following Jesus, but I am behind the disciples, and overwhelmed with fear.  Those days I need to remember to move up closer to my Lord – to move out of the fear, and back into the awe zone.

And, of course, awe doesn’t mean “no pain.”  Who doubts the awe that surrounded Him on the painful cross, when He surrendered His life to the accompaniment of darkness, an earthquake, and a dramatically torn veil in the temple?  Yet, fear lurks just beyond the awe…  I so easily drift out of awe and into fear.

Drawing near to my Lord is where I want to be and where I’m always welcome.  It’s really up to me.  Am I going to be filled with His Spirit, walking in awe close to Him?  Or am I going to lag a bit behind – still a follower, but filled with fear as I shuffle along, barely able to glimpse my Lord up ahead?  Awe or fear – which is it going to be?