In Annie's words...

As we approach the beginning of a new year, I’ve decided to do a few posts that are Annie speaking in her own words. I’ll begin with this one.

This has been a year where I’ve taken a few bold steps (for me), like booking a trip to Africa – and with a woman I hadn’t yet met, taking a vacation alone (okay, so it was only one night away, in a city two hours from here), and yes…kicking off a blog. I’ve switched things up a bit, I guess, and it causes me to think about what it is I want from this switch. (Warning: I always get a bit reflective as a new year approaches and kicks off. I’ll get back to Africa stories soon...)

Well, first it must be said that I want to bring glory to my God and Savior. It rolls off my tongue and keyboard with ease. Does the desired roll from my life with as much ease?...

Then also: I want to love well. “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels but do not have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” (I Cor. 13:1, NIV) I think of this verse often as I’m putting down words in this blog. I could write an awesome post some day, but if I don’t love, it’s worse than worthless. I find I’m constantly reminded of this, though my life, all-too-often, doesn’t reflect it…

At some point these conceptual desires to glorify God and love well need to take on shape and get specific. So, here we go. In terms of this blog, what do I want? Why am I writing about my grandparents’ (and father’s) experiences in Africa and posting something here most every week?

Three reasons… First of all, I feel called to do this. With each post I feel like I’m building an alter to my God. I’m laying stone upon stone, story upon story, to, and for, Him. This both removes pressure, and makes me want to do my very best. I’m excited and encouraged when I hear someone’s reading the blog. And at the same time, I would keep building this if no one was reading it. (But I'm thankful, and grateful, that you are.)

Second, I’m writing this because I want people everywhere to understand what following Christ looks like, and this is one attempt at least, to consider what it likely does look like. And from my experience, it’s not much of what the unbelieving world thinks. It’s not about religiosity or right-winged stances or shallow, Pollyanna-type thinking. It’s not about hating sinners or condemning sin or judging people. I learned this through my own story, key pieces of which I will share with you now. (And the third reason is about your calling, which I will get to in a later post...)

The path to my divorce was the most difficult path of my life so far. I’m torn between not wishing it on anyone, and because of the learning, wishing it on everyone. But I don't wish it on anyone. I learned a lot from it, and it was extremely painful and difficult.

The most important, significant learning was about my Savior, Jesus Christ – who He really is and what He’s done for me. I’ll never forget what happened about an hour after I asked for a separation from my spouse, the first time. It was during my first minutes alone after the traumatic, dreaded conversation and I suddenly realized that the Holy Spirit was with me. He was comforting me and so close to me that I could feel Him. I was shocked, and joyfully relieved! Until that moment of surprise, I hadn’t realized that I thought He would no longer want me - that He would no longer be with me. My head knew that God would still want me, I think, but in my brokenness, my heart feared it wasn't so. And this was only the beginning of what I had to learn: God’s love transcends divorce.