Who knew that it could be so difficult to adjust to life back in America? Solveig and I compared notes today and discovered we’re both struggling a bit to settle back in... We acknowledged that we did get a bit of attention in Africa, and now of course we’re nobodies again. But I think there’s something else going on.
God so clearly led us to Cameroon and we felt totally dependent on Him while we were there. While God also clearly brought us back home and we are totally dependent on Him here…it doesn’t feel quite the same. I feel like I should be more independent here, more capable, more worthy... And perhaps I shouldn’t even bother God so much, because after all, I’m back in the States. I should be able to take care of everyday life here without relying so heavily on Him - right?
Well, the truth is, I don’t want to go back to normal life. I like life much better when I’m totally relying on Him. Maybe I’m not such a big fan of ordinary after all. Or maybe I need to redefine my life here. Maybe this trip is a catalyst to a different life, or maybe simply to a different way of living my current life.
I really don’t know what this all means, but I'm convinced I need to rely heavily on Him – right here in Wisconsin. I clearly do need to "bother" Him a lot, and I cannot simply make it through everyday life here without Him. Nor do I want to. I need His touch, His guidance and His leading. I’m desperate for it.
Hope I settle in soon... But not too much...
No comments:
Post a Comment